her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
