somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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