angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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