Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
