i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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