like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
