Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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