yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
