One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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