dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
