the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
