Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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