I think im going to throw up on grandma
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
