If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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