Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
