If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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