It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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