I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
