I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize