all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
