just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
