I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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