I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
