I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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