Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
