i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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