filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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