I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
