This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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