Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
