Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
