so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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