I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
