am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
