I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
