why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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