Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
