Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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