I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
