The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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