Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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