I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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