I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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