the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
