I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
