Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
