do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
