listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
