i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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