In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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