You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
