According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
