Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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