Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
