I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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