The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yo dont text me then not text me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
