Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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