Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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