My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize