What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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