Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
