doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
