it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
